For a Restless Heart
I recently got the sweetest mail from my grandma.
She sent my roommates and I beautiful bracelets. All different, but with some form of encouraging word or symbol engraved on it. I’ll tell you what mine says at the end.
There have been a lot of decisions and thoughts I’ve been trying to make and think through recently.
As of two days ago, I officially finished my junior year of college and immediately the floodgates of my mind opened. I began to think of all the things I want to prioritize before graduating next year, potential places I would consider living, a timeline of if I were to start dating a guy now when I could get married and have kids, and then I got really stuck. My thoughts quickly started to spiral.
“I don’t even know where to start”
“I haven’t been on a date in almost 2 years”
“If I wait too long, then I can’t have kids”
“I can’t move back home after graduating, that’s embarrassing”
“I don’t have near enough time to do everything I want to do with my college friends before we all graduate”
“I’m so far behind”
I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t spiral, but truly I don’t remember the last time my thoughts have gotten out of control so quickly. In that moment I knew this wasn’t my clear, discerned thoughts coming into my mind. These were personal attacks from the enemy.
There is something so beautiful about the springtime. I don’t know about you, but I feel more alive (minus the seasonal allergies). But this season has been BUSY. I’ve found myself bouncing from meeting to meeting from celebration to celebration from class to class to quickly finding something to eat then to more meetings, to finally crashing in my bed at night. I kid you not, there were several weeks my Google calendar was full every hour of the day. It was ridiculous! But you know how I said I pretty much lost control of my thoughts a few days ago? Well I know without a doubt the enemy saw me in that moment and said “wooohoo! Let’s get her while she’s down!” And sure enough he did.
I don’t handle tight schedules very well. I’m sure if you know me, I mean knooowwww know me, you know that when I have a lot going on, I isolate myself, become numb, and get very distracted. And the enemy has watched me long enough to know my tendencies. So, he beat me up while I was distracted, busy, and overwhelmed.
I thrive off of sitting in the presence of people, observing, listening, and lingering in fellowship.
The feeling of being fully present in a moment is one of the most beautiful feelings.
But I think it’s so easy in the days we live in to get caught up in the rush of busy days. It’s so easy to think that the more we have to check off of our to-do lists, the more honor or importance we have to hold onto. Or the fuller our days are, the more relevant and relatable we will be. Or if we are putting our foot in as many doors as possible, we will have a better chance at accomplishing more than the person next to us. Let me just tell you, THIS IS THE FURTHEST FROM THE TRUTH!
Whether you’re struggling to make a big decision about your future, absolutely overwhelmed by all of the boxes that still need to be checked, or eagerly waiting for the day you can sit still and let your heart catch up, stop for a minute. Seriously stop.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to fully sit in the emotions and depths of what all has happened in your life?
Are you scared of what will come up?
Are you scared to tell anyone? Do you feel that you will be misunderstood?
Have you seen the Lords hand of provision on your days?
Honestly, when I typed out these questions, I cringed a little. Because part of me in afraid of what my honest answers are. But as I’ve sat and truly forced myself to open my mind to thoughts that I’ve been avoiding, I’ve seen the gracious love of my Father.
Let me tell you a little story–
Several weeks ago, I was stopped in my full on sprint to get to the next task of my day. My head was in the clouds and I was about to give a short presentation, but I was only thinking about the next meeting I had that night and what I needed to get together before I went. In the minutes I was waiting to give this presentation, I was met by an old friend. She was also waiting to give a presentation in just a few minutes. She was with her work staff about to speak about an opportunity to join them in Zambia for the summer. I was completely taken back about 10 years. Since I was 11 years old, I’ve had the strongest desire to go to Africa. I’ve always wanted to immerse myself in the culture, serve local villages, and make new friends by the bond of Christ. And here I was, met with the most feasible opportunity to go. I held back some tears, went into the short presentation shaking out of joy, and left in complete silence. I was in complete disbelief and overwhelming gratitude. When I got in my car, I began to cry. I didn’t really have words to explain why I was crying, but I felt this holy urgency to say “yes and Amen”. I said “God, you’re going to have to make this one happen, because I’ll be honest I’m scared”. And let me tell you, He has been faithful beyond my understanding. My anxious thoughts have been completely guarded, my fears have been dimmed, and the provision He has given is immeasurable. My words don’t do the Lord faithfulness justice, but I’ll do the best I can.
Even in my numb emotions, my isolation, my busy mind, my anxious heart, and my restless spirit, God was running after me.
Even in your heavy burdens, busy days, big decisions, and change, God is running after you. He is working on your behalf to pave a way that is more beautiful than we could ever imagine.
I’m not quite sure what you’re going through, or where you’re headed. You may not know the answer to that either! HEY! That’s ok! Me too, friend!
Remember that bracelet my grandma gave me that I mentioned at the beginning?
It’s a double sided coin that says, “Always remember that life is about the journey, not the destination” and on the other side it says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
And oh man did I need that.
Hey friend, remember that it’s ok have days that are busy, to have spiraling thoughts, and to think just a little too far ahead. But remember who has you in the palm of His hand. He wants you to dream, hope, love, and enjoy the things before you, but He wants to do it with you more than He wants you to have all that you could imagine. He wants your busy days, He wants your uncertainty and confusion. He wants your frustration and numb emotions. He’s so near and He is working all things together for YOUR good!
Together, let's bring our restless heart to His presence.
Let's bring our restless thoughts.
Our restless desires.
Our restlesss lies.
And replace it with restful Truths.
Together, let's rest. Give the control back over to the Lord. And let Him calm our restless hearts.
Scripture to encourage you:
One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord